Our Baby Is 4 Weeks Old

This is bittersweet. I'm excited to see who this little lady becomes ~ of course I'm also eager to just have her sit up by herself, you know, baby steps ~ but I love how little she is, how she needs us, how I get all this time to learn about her & be with her for 24 hours a day.

During this last month, Mia has learned to turn her head a full 90 degrees when laying down. She can roll to her left side and sometimes her right (rarely). She is beginning to smile intentionally ~ she still does it in her sleep and it's still super cute. She is beginning to make noises with her vocal cords rather than just crying sounds or sucking sounds. She lost her umbilical cord. She takes baths without tears now. She has gained over a pound and has gained an inch in length. She took her first bottle on her 4 week birthday. She is holding her head up for longer periods of time. She's getting more consistent at putting her little thumb and fingers in her mouth for sucking. She's sleeping longer periods during the night (I still wake up to see how she's doing but she seems to sleep right through the night even when I'm feeding her) and she's gone on her first walks in a stroller and in the baby carrier. She's also starting to put herself to sleep more often (like 10% of the time, but that's progress!). Developmentally, she's moving right along.

Some random things I live about Mia: She flexes her toes all the time. She surprises herself when she makes sucky sounds on herself or others. She gave herself a tiny hicky on her arm by sucking on her arm. She likes to stare off at the ceiling, skylights and windows when she needs a break from staring at people. She's beautiful and funny. I love it when she falls asleep and is like a limp little doll. I love when she falls asleep all curled up on my chest. She makes a laughing sound in her sleep. She stretches ALL the time. She makes funny faces when she stretches, when she sleeps and when she's awake. I even love the pooping faces and the messes she makes (even if I'm not laughing at the time). I just love everything about her. 

 Roll over baby girl!

 Love the the eye rolls!

Where is baby? She loves this carrier. 

bed hog

So, I do the whole bedsharing thing. I know that every hospital worker, doctor and lots of moms would say "Don't do it!!" but I have to. We both sleep better, feeding her is easier, I feel like we bond more and what better way to wake up in the morning than staring at this sweet little face.  We're safe about it so don't worry.

That being said, I have been putting her away from my body lately because eventually she will have to sleep on her on and if she doesn't need to be on me or in my arms then I should take advantage of that. (Yes, I could put her in her rocker but she wakes up a lot more when she's away from me and when I have to lift her out to eat and I don't recognize she needs to eat as quickly as if she's next to me) So last night I put down a waterproof pad, since she's been leaking out of diapers here and there, and put her in the middle of it. I woke up and here she is, right smack next to me! She wiggled her way to me during the hour that we were sleeping. She is amazing and scooting herself around in her sleep. I love her.

Look ma!

Mia is 18 days old today and her umbilical stump finally fell off! It's nasty looking, like a large raisin on one side and a cream colored scab on the other. I was undressing her for her bath and I saw a belly button and had to search for the stump. Ick. It was stuck to the inside of her sleep shirt.

We had her 2 week check up on Monday and the doctor is so happy with her progress she doesn't have to come for a 1 month check up ~ she can wait until her 2 month! Yay! She was 8 lbs 15 oz, 22 inches. She's in the 90th percentile for height and 50th for head size and weight. Will she be a tall one? So far she's not so chunky - she gets that from Bruce's side of the family, certainly not mine! We will have to wait and see.

Just some more photos because who can get tired of looking at this cutie pie?

 After bath! All clean!

 Trying to smile

Are you sassin' me?

More photos

 Trying to get on daddy's good side after a LONG night. I think it worked ;)

 Big yawn.

 Love the milk face! What a messy eater!

 Daddy/Daughter cuddle time.

One of the few photos I have of her first day on the outside!

Our Baby Girl is One Week Old!

Our little girl turned one week old - she's getting so big. Where did the days go? So, I've enjoyed every moment, just like I should, and I've reveled in having Bruce's help. Here are just a few of the things I've learned this week: 

1. I cannot get tired of looking at Mia's face. 

2. It's weird calling her Mia. I'm hoping that goes away.

3. You can waste a lot of time in a day just looking at a baby. Before you know it, it's dark and time for sleep again. 

4. Everyone wants to see the baby and I'm happy to oblige but.....I'm not in the best mood the more the day goes on. I'm tired, even if I'm napping. It's too hard to say "no" to visitors.

5. Babies appear to sleep while eating. Lucky her. 

6. Sometimes babies just cry and I have to learn to accept that. 

7. We have a baby that absolutely loves being all snuggled up against you - she doesn't care if you want to get things done or if you are losing sleep so that she can safely sleep on your chest. She just wants to snuggle and it has to be done right and you may not know what "right" is for awhile.

8. You will do anything to get a couple hours of sleep. 

9. Baby poo is amazing for so many reasons. 

10 . Babies like to make an impression on others ~ either being spectacularly good for strangers or making the biggest blow out ever during her first outing, she likes to make a name for herself. 

11. Our baby is perfect.

12. You don't automatically know what cry means what or why your baby cries. 

13. Funny faces, even if they're reflexive, make it all worth it.

Just a few pictures I had on my camera: 

Waiting to get checked out of the hospital - Mia got the "go ahead" before I did!

Sleepy little bug ~ she had a big day!

New mommy and daddy bonding time.

Birth certificate with her little feetsies!

First bath with daddy and the only nurse we didn't like in the hospital.

Big brother Ryan meets new baby sister Mia!

Grandma Georgia with her 2 grandkids!

Grandpa Jerry and Grandma Georgia visit Baby Mia in the hospital.

Daddy and Erin visit Baby Mia....it'll be weird trying to call daddy "Grampy"

More sibling bonding time.

First car ride to go home. I was so nervous!

Daddy grabs the goods while mommy takes her time getting the baby.

We're home!

Ryan had to get in on this too, of course!

Nana and Baby ~ pumpkin wants to know what that little thing is.

Grampy with Baby Mia.

Bruce teaching Ryan his burping technique :)

This is what we do now.

Isn't she precious!

Tummy time.

Yep, we do a lot of this.

Funny faces during morning cuddles with daddy.

So sleepy!

First doctor's visit where it is confirmed - she's perfect!

First visit to Nana's

3 Generations of ladies

Look what daddy caught! She's a keeper!

More tummy time. You can do it!

Yep, sleeping again.

How can you not love this face?

She's Here!

What an adventure the past week has been. I started having contractions on Sunday night (5/20). I had a dream that Grandma Donna was at my hospital bedside and she said "I'm ready!" so I thought for sure I was going to have a baby at any moment. I was pretty upset the next morning when the contractions just stopped. Later, on Monday night it started again. No sleep for 2 nights because it was mildly painful and I was waiting for them to get stronger. By Wednesday I was googling like a fiend...why hadn't my contractions gotten worse? I found that I'm one of the lucky ones that has prodromeal labor, aka "false labor." I was getting exhausted by these nightly happenings that didn't lead anywhere. My co-workers were commenting on how tired I looked and by lunch time I was ready for bed but kept plugging on getting more and more exhausted as the week progressed.

On Thursday I had a Non-stress Test, Ultrasound and Check up. The NST showed that I was having strong and regular contractions (no kidding) and they were so happy to see that saying I could have a baby any day. Of course I could, people! The ultrasound showed the baby had enough fluid and I had a grade 1 placenta, rich in nutrients and not in any trouble at all. The baby was quite cozy in there. The checkup showed I was dilated 1 cm and 50% effaced, exactly as I was one week before so nothing had changed even after all the contractions I had been having!

They decided to schedule an induction. Originally they wanted Tuesday and I agreed so it would give me some time to have her on my own. However, St. Joe's was re-carpeting Tuesday -Thursday so I couldn't wait. It had to be Saturday or Sunday. I chose Sunday to give the baby an extra day's chance at coming on her own. I started crying in the office at the thought of having to have an induction. Bruce doesn't want to have any more kids so I've wanted everything to be as perfect as I could imagine it and so far it had been. The thought of missing out on the final surprise (what time will she come, how will it happen, where will we be, what day will be her big day) was so saddening to me.

I continued to have contractions but didn't get excited when the continued throughout Friday. I had spent all week thinking, "This is it! It's the beginning!" only to be disappointed time and again. Friday I had the day off with Bruce. I was more exhausted than ever and the contractions felt a little stronger. I was laying in bed crying, letting Bruce know how I was feeling but not getting my hopes up. All day I did NOTHING but sit around reading, sleeping and feeling useless and exhausted. Des had offered to go on a walk with me and I finally took her up on it in the afternoon. I thought, if these are real contractions I may as well do something to help them along...after a quick nap. We walked all over in the heat and at Trader Joe's I started getting stronger contractions but nothing to stop me. We still walked to Safeway, to Des's to look at the paint, and back home for dinner.

I just finished dinner and Bruce and Ryan were finishing up theirs and a big one hit. I looked at them and saw that Ryan looked shocked and Bruce looked at me like he didn't know what to do. The contraction was big and painful and hit so suddenly that I was thrown off. I couldn't breath or talk to them so we started timing them. When I had a couple more of them about 10 minutes apart we started calling people to tell them to have their clothes ready, that we may be going to the hospital that night. We spent the next 5 or so hours counting my contractions and getting things ready. Close to midnight they were getting more intense and I felt like vomiting but there was no food to come up. By midnight I was calling the midwife and they sent me to the hospital. I think we hit every red light. It's still only 15 minutes away. We got checked in and apparently I was not happy ~ telling Bruce I'm so over it. I wanted her out. Now! They wheeled me to my room and it felt like it was sooooo far away in a really uncomfortable chair. They wanted to get me on the bed and check for dilation and that the baby was ok. I had some more choice words for poor Bruce (I don't exactly recall these things when I was in the middle of contractions, so I have to go off what he said). Much of the rest of the night was a blur.

I have never been so exhausted in my life. I was physically and emotionally taxed before this even started and continuing labor was not making it easier. So many times I said to Bruce I was going to HAVE to break down and get an epidural (something I really, really, really didn't want to do). I just felt like I couldn't take it any more physically or emotionally but from somewhere I would get a little extra strength to hold out. I was in and out of the bath tub alternating between that and the bed. I didn't walk around and do all the positions that I had practiced and heard were helpful in classes and saw people doing in the videos I watched.

I don't know if it was the exhaustion or not but I really felt like sometimes it was an out of body experience, I wasn't always there but then I'd have sudden periods of alertness. There were a lot of things that happened that I had no clue about but I have been told by others happened. I don't remember them monitoring me and the baby, I'll have weird memories of feeling like I was alone and that I was going to drown, I was told I pushed for 2 hours but it didn't feel that long to me, I felt people touching me but didn't recognize who was doing what. It's kind of crazy to think back to what I was doing and feeling and not really having a good sense of what happened. I know at some point in the bathtub they asked me if I wanted to have some pain management and I was going to go for the epidural but then they went through the options. I ended up having something to get me through the "transition phase"~  that was surreal feeling. I felt the contractions and their strength and how much it was hurting but it was like my brain was saying "Yes, it hurts, but it's ok. No worries." They were very conservative with this, thankfully, so it did wear off but helped me continue on without getting the epidural. I feel like if I had been rested then I would have been able to hold out longer but the whole week of draining any reserves I had made it too hard.

I was really against an epidural because it freaks me out to think that there's a needle in my spine. I also read things about the effects of an epidural and the experience before, during and after birth and I had just thought that if I was going to go through one labor I wanted it to be the way my body was supposed to do it. Why choose the easy route? I feel like people think I'm high and mighty and trying to be tough by choosing not to go that route but it was a personal choice in which I wanted the whole pregnancy and birthing experience as nature intended. I have nothing against it and if I knew I was going to have lots of babies I would probably consider that route in the future. Or not since I know I can do it and survive and there are other options because it's still gross to put a needle in your spine. 

When it was finally time to push I was on again. I felt alert and I have never tried so hard in my life. I would have gotten her out fairly quickly except she was trying to come out looking up. If you don't know, babies should have their chins tucked so that the soft parts can come out first- not the harder parts like she was trying. I kept hearing 2 more and she'll be out but she wouldn't come! Of course, later we knew why when they saw her eye brows. The midwife kept telling me to touch her head but I was too busy pulling my legs and bearing down to even think about doing that. She HAD TO COME OUT! I ended up breaking so many blood vessels in my face, neck and shoulders from pushing so hard. I didn't even know that was possible. Britt and Des said I was purple, they didn't think anyone could turn that color. I was pushing with everything I had from top to bottom.

When her head finally did come out the midwife said "Grab your baby!" so I looked down and pulled our out! I pulled my baby out of my body! It was amazing and slippery and I held her to me and told her I love her. I looked over at Bruce so happy that he made it through to the end to see his baby's first breath. He got to cut the cord, not that he would have asked to do it, but you don't say "no" to Bernie (the midwife). He got to be there with her while she was weighed, measured and had her reflexes checked. I was so happy that he did it since we all know hospitals and blood and everything makes him ill and likely to pass out. It was just like in my dreams where Bruce was seated by my side and I pulled the baby out! (Although in my dreams she was clean and smiling and everything was calm.)

Overall, from start to finish, my pregnancy is everything I could have hoped for and more. I got to feel baby kicks and hiccups and turns. I even enjoyed morning sickness, strange cravings and having no clothes that fit. I got to experience labor the way I wanted, as a surprise day & time and a natural childbirth. (Side note: a student nurse came to me and told me she cried when I was giving birth because it was the first natural childbirth she had seen and was so moved by it. Glad I could help her out.). Now I get to sit here everyday and just stare in amazement at this beautiful creature that Bruce and I created. I seriously don't read books, watch tv or get on the computer for more than a couple of minutes at a time because I can easily spend all day just looking at her, feeling her, holding her and, of course feeding and changing her. I love her so much it hurts and I'm so happy to have this time to be with her to see her changing little day by day.

Pictures to follow. I haven't really gotten to take any and Des and Britt haven't handed me over their pictures.

These Last Kicks

Most of the time I'm in a happy place (finally) about letting this baby come out. All I wanted was to make it to my due date so I could enjoy my full 40 weeks with her. I didn't want to feel cheated out of the special time that only her and I can share. Today I'm 40 weeks 4 days. According to my pregnancy app, I'm past my due date; however, I never really planned on going on or before my due date so I feel right on time. It's nice to finally feel like I am willing to share her with her dad and my family. I finally feel like I will let people hold her rather than me hoarding her because I wasn't ready to let go.

Then....I feel a kick and I can start crying in an instant. Will that be the last kick I feel? I'm going to miss this!  I realize I've become more emotional again these last few weeks. I know this because songs make me cry again, talking about the baby makes me teary eyed, I can cry over anything at any time but I've been good about hiding this increase in emotions. Mostly good about it. Every time I feel her kick I want to stop what I'm doing so I can focus on them. My hands are on my belly a lot more often these last few days. I'm still ok with her coming out but it won't stop me from trying to grasp onto the last few moments I have in which I am completely connected to my tiny baby girl, feeling her in a way that no one else can feel her.

I'm a nut, I already dread the day she doesn't need me. That she finds what I say or do embarrassing or annoying. Ugh, if she says she hates me, even when she doesn't really mean it. When I'll have to scold her or punish her. When we'll get in an argument. When I disagree with her choices. Then you can add on all the even more fun things like when someone hurts her feelings, if she breaks a bone, when she's sick enough to go to the emergency room, if she gets teased, if she fails at something she's put a lot of effort into.  I cannot stress over it. Life will happen and we'll take it one step at a time. In the mean time I'll just enjoy each moment as it comes knowing that Bruce and I (and the fam - it takes a village, right?) have an important job of raising a little person who will become a contributing member of this world as best we can. We'll focus on the positive and learn from the negative. I know we can do this because I already get to see that with Ryan. He's not my son but it doesn't stop me from having hopes for him, reveling in his accomplishments right along with his parents and having a desire to help him when he needs it.

Ok, I'm all better now. There will be tiny toes to kiss, sweet little cheeks, chubby little legs, soft skin and a yummy smell soon. We'll be on to new experiences that will be just as rewarding.

Here's a photo of the baby's room since we finally finished it! 

 Videos have sound ~ I would turn off the volume. It's just tv background noise since these are taken in the evening and you don't care about what I was watching. And I find the sound of adjusting annoying. That little camera picks up sound too well!

Baby hiccups -

 it's a whole minute because I was too lazy to cut down 

so please don't feel like you have to watch this for a whole minute! 

Baby kicks~

I was reading about baby and caught some movement on tape. She has bigger movements, like she's adjusting her position, rather than the furious little kicks, punches and flips I used to feel, so it looks more like a wave. Sorry for bad lighting and non-HD quality ;)

That's all for now, folks! 

Next blog update should have pictures of our beautiful baby girl!!!!