These Last Kicks

Most of the time I'm in a happy place (finally) about letting this baby come out. All I wanted was to make it to my due date so I could enjoy my full 40 weeks with her. I didn't want to feel cheated out of the special time that only her and I can share. Today I'm 40 weeks 4 days. According to my pregnancy app, I'm past my due date; however, I never really planned on going on or before my due date so I feel right on time. It's nice to finally feel like I am willing to share her with her dad and my family. I finally feel like I will let people hold her rather than me hoarding her because I wasn't ready to let go.

Then....I feel a kick and I can start crying in an instant. Will that be the last kick I feel? I'm going to miss this!  I realize I've become more emotional again these last few weeks. I know this because songs make me cry again, talking about the baby makes me teary eyed, I can cry over anything at any time but I've been good about hiding this increase in emotions. Mostly good about it. Every time I feel her kick I want to stop what I'm doing so I can focus on them. My hands are on my belly a lot more often these last few days. I'm still ok with her coming out but it won't stop me from trying to grasp onto the last few moments I have in which I am completely connected to my tiny baby girl, feeling her in a way that no one else can feel her.

I'm a nut, I already dread the day she doesn't need me. That she finds what I say or do embarrassing or annoying. Ugh, if she says she hates me, even when she doesn't really mean it. When I'll have to scold her or punish her. When we'll get in an argument. When I disagree with her choices. Then you can add on all the even more fun things like when someone hurts her feelings, if she breaks a bone, when she's sick enough to go to the emergency room, if she gets teased, if she fails at something she's put a lot of effort into.  I cannot stress over it. Life will happen and we'll take it one step at a time. In the mean time I'll just enjoy each moment as it comes knowing that Bruce and I (and the fam - it takes a village, right?) have an important job of raising a little person who will become a contributing member of this world as best we can. We'll focus on the positive and learn from the negative. I know we can do this because I already get to see that with Ryan. He's not my son but it doesn't stop me from having hopes for him, reveling in his accomplishments right along with his parents and having a desire to help him when he needs it.

Ok, I'm all better now. There will be tiny toes to kiss, sweet little cheeks, chubby little legs, soft skin and a yummy smell soon. We'll be on to new experiences that will be just as rewarding.

Here's a photo of the baby's room since we finally finished it! 

 Videos have sound ~ I would turn off the volume. It's just tv background noise since these are taken in the evening and you don't care about what I was watching. And I find the sound of adjusting annoying. That little camera picks up sound too well!

Baby hiccups -

 it's a whole minute because I was too lazy to cut down 

so please don't feel like you have to watch this for a whole minute! 

Baby kicks~

I was reading about baby and caught some movement on tape. She has bigger movements, like she's adjusting her position, rather than the furious little kicks, punches and flips I used to feel, so it looks more like a wave. Sorry for bad lighting and non-HD quality ;)

That's all for now, folks! 

Next blog update should have pictures of our beautiful baby girl!!!!