...and other bodily functions. This is not for the easily disgusted.
BM (before Mia), I was a bodily function-phobe. When I was little I would be disgusted at Desiree and Brittany and their tooting habits. Brittany hacking up phlegm made me want to hurl. I would leave the room if they were engaging in these activities or try to banish them from the room if it was dinner time, since I wasn't about to eat in my bedroom. I started working with kids and I re-assessed my desire to be a speech therapist when I was peed on (multiple times, ick), when I saw snot (one time this little boy had what looked like a fat slug out his nose), when kids put toys in their mouths, sneezing without covering their mouth with their elbow, general drooliness, when they ate and food was all over their face and then later crusted on, and anything else you can imagine (especially if you've had kids). Bruce would gross me out when Ryan was a toddler and had a booger he would grab it from Ryan's nose and wipe it on his pants. Ick, yuck, gag, hurl. What was he doing?!
AM (after Mia), I've been obsessed with every minute detail of her. This, of course, would include all bodily fluids and functions. Poop has been the most awesome bodily fluid/function. In the beginning I was fascinated with the meconium because it looked like tar, all thick and black and sludgy looking. I was amazed that this stuff was coming out of her for days and it had been in her body while she was in my body and was made up of the stuff my body made to help her be a healthy baby. Little did I know I would prefer the sludge because it stayed in her diaper.
Similarly, I became fascinated with breast milk (ok, not her bodily fluid but it went into her). I thought it was amazing that I made colostrum and that it was so good for her for her first few days and that it magically changed to breast milk because, somehow, my body knew when to make the switch. Even better, I read that I produce 2 types of breastmilk in one sitting - foremilk and hindmilk. The foremilk is like having a glass of 1% milk or water with your meal, quenching baby's thirst. The foremilk is the actual meal, the meat and potatoes of breastmilk, carrying all the fat and nutrients to satiate baby's hunger. They even look different, one more watery and the other more creamy. Bizarro. Oh, and my breastmilk acts as a laxative, which explains a lot of the stories I have about Mia.
Can you imagine the things that can come out of this sweet little girl?
Ok, the big stuff ~ poop. After the meconium passed, Mia's poop looked like spicy brown mustard, all runny yellow and seedy. This stuff was amazing! It could, and did, get everywhere you can imagine. It would shoot up the back and sides of her diaper at the most inconvenient times. The last few days it's looked like apple butter. It still gets everywhere at any time. I've found this to be more dangerous as she doesn't make as much sound when this comes out. Let's hear some stories:
Our first outing was when she was one week old and we went to Round Table for Ryan's trophy ceremony for baseball. I was sleep deprived and still trying to figure out this new mommy thing when I picked Mia up and Ryan's mom said "Uh, oh" when she saw her from behind. Of course! Mia had pooped a lot but I was prepared. I wasn't prepared to see her poop had gone all the way down into the foot of her sleeper. How did it travel to her foot in a car seat?!
I was changing Mia when Bruce was in the garage and she pooped, shooting it across the changing table, launching itself into the air over the wipes container onto her crib, the floor and the garbage can. That's some distance! I yelled for Bruce and he thought something was terribly wrong so he ran up to find out I just wanted to share in my amazement with him. Bonus: He cleaned it up while I finished changing Mia.
I was going to give Mia a bath but on the way, I looked at her cute naked tushie in the bathroom mirror. You know where this is going, right? I watched her poop on my hand and into the sink. Mind you, she also peed all down the front of my clothes as well. Rather than get mad, I thought, "Better now than in the bath."
Mia had a blow out and I was changing her so I had her nakey and sitting on my arm so I could move some things from the changing table. You would think post-blowout would be a good time to hold her nakey. Hahaha, you would be fooled. Mia sneezed so poop shot off my arm and sprayed EVERYWHERE - wall, floor, changing table, clothes! Oh, no! Not the wainscoting! Bruce spent so much time painting that and now poop is running down the white wall and into the cracks! I'm sure my dad appreciated my frantic call "How do you scrub poop from the grooves of the wainscoting!?" Answer: toothbrush.
The photos don't do the explosion justice. Ugh. Everywhere.
Just the other day I was sitting by myself, feeding Mia, when I felt warm wetness on my lap. She had made a little pooping sound but the wetness was spreading so I thought pee was escaping. I lifted her up and saw the biggest poop puddle on my lap. I started yelling for daddy, Erin or Michael. Anyone! If I stood up I was afraid of dripping poop all over the house. I needed a rag or something. Good thing Erin had given me a kitchen towel for some spit up! A cream colored one, even better. I hugged Mia to me and crouched low and slowly waddled to the changing table. Now she's on top, how do I clean her and myself without dripping poo? Aha, I hear Erin and make her watch Mia so she didn't roll off the table. Luckily I had a change of clothing. When I opened Mia's diaper, there was almost no poo inside. It was amazing, just a small line straight out the back. She needed a full wipe down since it was on her elbows and everything.
Just another accident while she was eating.
Good thing there were other people around to document at least one of these blowouts.
Mia's poop turned Mountain Dew green for a few days. I called the pediatrician to see if I should be concerned with her radioactive poo. No worries unless she looked sick, but I did have to watch it turn every shade of green you could imagine before it went back to yellow. I guess a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance from her not eating too well a few days before (probably from the few days we actually had heat).
Five diapers without moving from the changing table this past week! Five!! #1 Morning diaper, heavy and wet. #2 Dry diaper, but I heard lots of sounds so I was convinced it was poo and not just toots so I opened it up to find it empty and dry. That was her cue to pee all over the diaper and her pjs. #3 Just strapped her in and heard what was most definitely poo. Open up to find I was right. Waited to see if she was done by singing and playing with her. Good to go, I put a fresh diaper under her pull out the dirty one and finish wiping. #4 A warning sign midwipe caused me to pull away just in time to watch the poo exit the baby bottom. Not a pretty sight. There goes that diaper. #5 Will this one survive, folks. Why yes it did, for at least an hour.
These are just some of the poo stories. People love it and fear it when they hear her a-blowin'. She's so loud. It feels bubbly on your arm or leg, depending on how you're holding her. Her Grampy thinks she's about to lift off because she has so much force behind it. It's a constant guessing game: little sounds don't exactly correlate to little poos. Big sounds don't necessarily mean big poos. Then there's the SBD's (silent but deadly). You never heard it but get a big shock when her carseat has to be dismantled entirely so that you can wash everything covered in poo and scrub the plastic and seat belt straps from the poo.
One thing I've learned is to elevate the child when she is making these sounds so that the poo is less likely to go up the back. These days it doesn't really come out the sides unless there's no more space and it needs to go somewhere. That being said, I'm often feeding her when this occurs (remember, it's a laxative) so it comes out the back and on me. I just don't think Mia should be pooping on people other than myself. I'll take the poop-bullet.
Oh my goodness, the stories could continue. I should stop myself. But I won't.
Today she was making her usual poopy sounds and had those glossy red eyes I've come to correlate with anything going on in her diaper. When she was done she smelled like dinner rolls. Kind of nice....then I opened the diaper. Whoa baby! Into the bath for the little lady. It was just too much. Too many wipes to count. The diaper had
exploded! I changed, she bathed and changed, the changing table changed, the cloth diaper that was to protect the changing table was removed. It didn't sound like much at the time, but it was a doosie. Good thing it happened at home and not at the baby shower we were getting ready to go to!
Ok, I really should be done with the stories. It's too much. There's too many and I'm sure the stories will continue. I'm just glad that my family is as interested in this stuff as I am so they don't get annoyed (at least they don't seem that way) when I call just to tell them about bodily fluids from my precious little girl.
Guess what this face is about!!!
